Waiting for my Father in law to die

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Pondboy, Jul 12, 2018.

  1. 12 Jul 2018 at 9:23 PM #1
    Pondboy

    Pondboy Wearing official robes

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2016
    Messages:
    423
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    16
    Location:
    Mas de Barberans, Catalunya
    Your Motor:
    Tractor, VW Caddy & an F80 M3
    Colour Combo:
    Tanzanite Blue/Silverstone II full leather
    He now 88 and has been in a nursing home for 2 1/2 years and was very poorly.

    A week ago he had a stroke and is now comatose and just lying there breathing with his eyelids twitching occasionally.

    Flew back a few days ago to help support his wife and get things arranged, but it's just a bitch that these homes are so good at keeping their residents alive well beyond their use by date.

    Everyone is totally screwed up and all we can do is wait for the inevitable.

    It just sucks.

    Sorry. :(
     
  2. 12 Jul 2018 at 9:29 PM #2
    spuggets

    spuggets Achieved official socks

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2010
    Messages:
    1,574
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Location:
    Abingdon, Oxon
    Your Motor:
    2002 E46 M3 SMG; AMG C32; Jaguar XFR
    Colour Combo:
    Techno Violet / Black
    Medicine can keep everything going except the brain it seems.

    Hope everyone gets some solace soon.
     
  3. 12 Jul 2018 at 9:29 PM #3
    gauravM3

    gauravM3 Rocking a new hat

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2016
    Messages:
    596
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    16
    Location:
    London
    Your Motor:
    2009 E90 M3
    it's a sh1t feeling mate, had a few family members suffering cancer or just poor health for years so know what you mean.

    just try to keep strong, and keep supporting your family.

    I don't want to start a debate here but I am a firm believer in Right to die.....just never understood the point in so much suffering (not just one person but the entire family & friends).
     
  4. 12 Jul 2018 at 9:29 PM #4
    pops53

    pops53 Achieved official socks

    Joined:
    May 27, 2011
    Messages:
    1,346
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Location:
    Retired in Derby.
    Your Motor:
    PH1 Clio V6
    Best wishes to all mate.

    Had this with my old man.

    It's sh1t.
     
  5. 12 Jul 2018 at 10:04 PM #5
    ste360

    ste360 Wearing official underwear

    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2016
    Messages:
    280
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    16
    Location:
    Fylde Coast
    Your Motor:
    E46 M3 Coupe
    Colour Combo:
    Silver Grey/Black
    Watched my 54 year old Aunt die from cancer in a hospice.

    Best Wishes
     
  6. 12 Jul 2018 at 10:08 PM #6
    E46CoupeM3

    E46CoupeM3 Achieved official socks

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2012
    Messages:
    15,227
    Likes Received:
    6
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Location:
    England
    Your Motor:
    2001 BMW M3
    Colour Combo:
    Carbon Black
    I have a lasting power of attorney in place.

    With these the nominated person or persons is your representative / proxy to provide your wish for your care if you can't communicate it. They don't 100% have to obey but they do have to treat your partner, for example, as if it was you talking.
     
  7. 12 Jul 2018 at 10:11 PM #7
    Steve B

    Steve B Achieved official socks

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2012
    Messages:
    783
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    16
    Location:
    Stevenage, Herts
    Your Motor:
    2004 SMG Coupe
    Colour Combo:
    Stealth grey/red wheels
    Horrible situation to be in, been there with my mum when she was 68 after a botched NHS heart operation. Worst 2 weeks of my life being there.
     
  8. 12 Jul 2018 at 10:31 PM #8
    M3 GFY

    M3 GFY Achieved official socks

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2015
    Messages:
    10,604
    Likes Received:
    16
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Location:
    Plymouth
    Your Motor:
    F83 M4 MPE
    Colour Combo:
    Sakhir Orange/Full Black Leather with Sakhir Orange Stitching
    We wouldn’t put our pets through the agony, suffering and indignity that we have to watch our loved ones go through.
     
  9. 12 Jul 2018 at 10:34 PM #9
    Mabs27

    Mabs27 Achieved official socks

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2013
    Messages:
    1,536
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Taunton
    Your Motor:
    E46 Steel Grey
    Colour Combo:
    Steel Grey/ Nappa Red
    So sorry to hear this. Keep strong
     
  10. 12 Jul 2018 at 10:37 PM #10
    E46CoupeM3

    E46CoupeM3 Achieved official socks

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2012
    Messages:
    15,227
    Likes Received:
    6
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Location:
    England
    Your Motor:
    2001 BMW M3
    Colour Combo:
    Carbon Black
    That's why I have the LPA. It's too late to do it when you need it.
     
  11. 12 Jul 2018 at 10:46 PM #11
    Treblein99

    Treblein99 Achieved official socks

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2016
    Messages:
    2,692
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Location:
    walsall
    Your Motor:
    m3 f80 flapps open
    Colour Combo:
    M3 f80 speed yellow mpe flapps open a must
    Feel for you i was told my wife had 4 weeks to live after finding out she had cancer .. she lasted 12 days ...still to this day 3 years later im sure she did nt realise what was happening eg planning when i get out off here we going on a long holiday ...thankfully she did nt suffer
     
  12. 12 Jul 2018 at 11:58 PM #12
    FulEnglish

    FulEnglish Achieved official socks

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2015
    Messages:
    1,499
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Your Motor:
    E36 M3 GT Individual
    Sorry to hear that OP. Thoughts with you and yours.
     
  13. 13 Jul 2018 at 12:20 AM #13
    Toffeeman

    Toffeeman Achieved official socks

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2010
    Messages:
    3,243
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Your Motor:
    E92 M3 gone but not forgotten
    The feeling of helplessness is crushing in these situations. I had to go through this with both my mum and dad who both died of cancer. 56 and 64, way too young. If there is any solace, it’s that when they finally go you know that they are no longer suffering.
     
  14. 13 Jul 2018 at 8:03 AM #14
    JamesHirst

    JamesHirst Achieved official socks

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2013
    Messages:
    2,680
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Location:
    Huddersfield
    Your Motor:
    VW Boring, Mk2 Golf G60
    keep your chin up pondboy, im going through exactly the same with my other halfs father, hes 89 has zero standard of life and theyre just keeping him going, i wouldnt be doing this to my pets.

    we have the LPA in place, but when filled in it was recommended the doctor has the last say bit was checked, so he overrides us.

    best regards and thoughts with you and you family james
     
  15. 13 Jul 2018 at 8:31 AM #15
    Pondboy

    Pondboy Wearing official robes

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2016
    Messages:
    423
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    16
    Location:
    Mas de Barberans, Catalunya
    Your Motor:
    Tractor, VW Caddy & an F80 M3
    Colour Combo:
    Tanzanite Blue/Silverstone II full leather
    Thanks for all your thoughts.

    He is on final life care now, hasn't had anything other than a mouthwash since Sunday. Just a waiting game now and more importantly, time to make all the funeral arrangements that they have refused to look into when they could have.

    I really hope he lasts til Saturday. It would be a barsteward for him to go on Friday 13th.
     
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2018
  16. 13 Jul 2018 at 11:16 PM #16
    Raif

    Raif Achieved official socks

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2017
    Messages:
    1,209
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Location:
    Norf London
    Your Motor:
    E92 M3, E60 5 series, Panda 100hp, Bikes
    6 years ago (almost to the day) my uncle who was basically my father got given less than 6 weeks to live. He was 56, they didn't try to treat him at all as the cancer has spread to nearly every organ and we cared for him at home til he passed a few weeks later.

    Since the topics kind of been touched on, the macmillan nurse gave me a box of morphine for if I felt he needed pain relief (it was difficult for him to communicate by this stage) and pretty much told me that X amount will give pain relief for so long and X + X amount will put him to sleep permanently. Not sure if I'm reading too much between the lines or if my head was all over the place but it felt like she was explaining my options as opposed to telling me to be careful. Sort of the opposite scenario to yours I guess.

    Anyway waiting for the inevitable isn't a nice place to be but I'm sure your family will emerge stronger.
     
  17. 25 Jul 2018 at 1:35 PM #17
    Pondboy

    Pondboy Wearing official robes

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2016
    Messages:
    423
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    16
    Location:
    Mas de Barberans, Catalunya
    Your Motor:
    Tractor, VW Caddy & an F80 M3
    Colour Combo:
    Tanzanite Blue/Silverstone II full leather
    Well, John died peacefully just after his 10am wash and shave, so he was looking as good as he could after 17 days without food and water!

    I think there was a point a while ago when everyone thought that an injection was the only caring solution, but not a chance of that nowadays.

    Just don't let me die that way :(

    PS thanks for all the previous comments. It's surprising how much it helps to talk to non-family. :eek:
     
  18. 25 Jul 2018 at 1:53 PM #18
    Rags

    Rags Achieved official socks

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2010
    Messages:
    1,137
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Location:
    London
    Your Motor:
    C63 PP, Z3M Coupe, e36 m3 evo
    My condolences
     
  19. 25 Jul 2018 at 2:36 PM #19
    JamesHirst

    JamesHirst Achieved official socks

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2013
    Messages:
    2,680
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Location:
    Huddersfield
    Your Motor:
    VW Boring, Mk2 Golf G60
    my sincere condolences mate
     
  20. 25 Jul 2018 at 3:47 PM #20
    FulEnglish

    FulEnglish Achieved official socks

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2015
    Messages:
    1,499
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Your Motor:
    E36 M3 GT Individual
    Sorry for your loss. At least he is at peace now.
     

Users Who Are Viewing This Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 1)

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice