Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Parsley, Nov 23, 2020.
Your 754 hours early, but Merry Christmas to you to.
I've seen many around me with the decorations up already.
I don't see the point tho... you'll be sick of them before the day is even in sight.
I thought this was an early sneak peak of the advent calendar of tits and/or Ass
Ahhh yes, the advent calendar. It's a bit early mate.
I'm expecting this at 12.01am on the 1 December.
Never too early!
Bah humbug, ya prick!
Go **** yourself
Thats the spirit you utter bell end
What's going on everyone play nice, I'm holding up virtual yellow cards
Who made you the internet police????
We are both on Yellows already.
Here is a guide to keep you sorted for CHRISTMAS Dinner
Here's my top tip Christmas Dinner.... I have concluded that the inevitable stress of Christmas dinner is created by adverts, supermarkets and TV chefs... It's a Sunday dinner for goodness sake!!! We do it quite happily 51 weeks of the year but can we the consumers be trusted to manage by ourselves on one day of the year...apparently not! Here goes...
1. Turkey... It's a big fecking chicken that's all, 20 minutes per lb plus 20 minutes at 180 degrees - jobs a good un! Get yourselves a meat thermometer £3 off the Internet poke it in the offending bird if it says 75 degrees or over its cooked!
2. Stuffing - regardless of what Jamie Oliver says you do NOT need 2lbs of shoulder of pork, onions breadcrumbs,pine nuts and a **** load of fresh herbs to make stuffing....( no fecking wonder he's bankrupt if thats what he spends to make stuffing!) What you need is Paxo and a kettle!! If you wanna liven it up squeeze 3 sausages out of their skins and mix that in with your Paxo before cooking .
3. Gravy - Jamie Oliver is copping for this one aswell.... Bisto Jamie.... All you need is Bisto! I ( nor any other woman I know) has got time on Christmas Eve to **** about roasting chicken wings and vegetables, adding stock and flour,cooking it for another half hour, mashing it all up with a potato masher and then straining the whole sorry mess to make gravy
4. Vegetables... Never mind faffing round shredding sprouts and frying them with bacon and chestnuts to make them more palatable... If you don't like them don't buy and cook the fecking things!! If your family only eats frozen peas then that's good enough!
5. Roast potatoes... Yes I par boil mine then roast them in goose fat but Aunt Bessie also does the same .
6. Trimmings /Christmas pudding and the like.... Aldi or Lidl! (oh and while we're on the subject of pudding- if birds custard is what your family likes on the wretched thing then that's fine - you do not need brandy butter /rum sauce etc or anything else that costs a fecking fortune and takes 2 hours to make!)
7. Family.... Children.. Feed the little blighters first separately, if they only want turkey with tomato sauce - fine leave em to it, it doesn't matter. Once they are fed bugger them off to play with their Christmas presents so that YOU can enjoy your dinner in Peace! Adults... Anyone that can manage to get their sorry **** to your dinner table is also capable of helping to serve up/ sort the kids out/ clear the table /wash up /dry up etc. And Finally..... NO ONE.... And I mean no one APART FROM THE COOK IS ALLOWED TO GET ****ED AND FALL ASLEEP BEFORE THE WASHING UP IS DONE!!! Rant over Merry Christmas!pinched this from someone else
got a xmas card today and a load of rice fell out
it was from uncle ben
Why did Frosty ask for a divorce?
His wife was a total flake
How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
Nothing. It was on the house!