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Old 12th July 2018, 08:23 PM   #1
Pondboy
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Default Waiting for my Father in law to die

He now 88 and has been in a nursing home for 2 1/2 years and was very poorly.

A week ago he had a stroke and is now comatose and just lying there breathing with his eyelids twitching occasionally.

Flew back a few days ago to help support his wife and get things arranged, but it's just a bitch that these homes are so good at keeping their residents alive well beyond their use by date.

Everyone is totally screwed up and all we can do is wait for the inevitable.

It just sucks.

Sorry.
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Old 12th July 2018, 08:29 PM   #2
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Medicine can keep everything going except the brain it seems.

Hope everyone gets some solace soon.
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Old 12th July 2018, 08:29 PM   #3
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it's a sh1t feeling mate, had a few family members suffering cancer or just poor health for years so know what you mean.

just try to keep strong, and keep supporting your family.

I don't want to start a debate here but I am a firm believer in Right to die.....just never understood the point in so much suffering (not just one person but the entire family & friends).
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Old 12th July 2018, 08:29 PM   #4
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Best wishes to all mate.

Had this with my old man.

It's sh1t.
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Old 12th July 2018, 09:04 PM   #5
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Watched my 54 year old Aunt die from cancer in a hospice.

Best Wishes
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Old 12th July 2018, 09:08 PM   #6
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I have a lasting power of attorney in place.

With these the nominated person or persons is your representative / proxy to provide your wish for your care if you can't communicate it. They don't 100% have to obey but they do have to treat your partner, for example, as if it was you talking.
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Old 12th July 2018, 09:11 PM   #7
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Horrible situation to be in, been there with my mum when she was 68 after a botched NHS heart operation. Worst 2 weeks of my life being there.
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Old 12th July 2018, 09:31 PM   #8
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We wouldn’t put our pets through the agony, suffering and indignity that we have to watch our loved ones go through.
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Old 12th July 2018, 09:34 PM   #9
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So sorry to hear this. Keep strong
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Old 12th July 2018, 09:37 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by M3 GFY View Post
We wouldn’t put our pets through the agony, suffering and indignity that we have to watch our loved ones go through.
That's why I have the LPA. It's too late to do it when you need it.
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Old 12th July 2018, 09:46 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pondboy View Post
He now 88 and has been in a nursing home for 2 1/2 years and was very poorly.

A week ago he had a stroke and is now comatose and just lying there breathing with his eyelids twitching occasionally.

Flew back a few days ago to help support his wife and get things arranged, but it's just a bitch that these homes are so good at keeping their residents alive well beyond their use by date.

Everyone is totally screwed up and all we can do is wait for the inevitable.

It just sucks.

Sorry.
Feel for you i was told my wife had 4 weeks to live after finding out she had cancer .. she lasted 12 days ...still to this day 3 years later im sure she did nt realise what was happening eg planning when i get out off here we going on a long holiday ...thankfully she did nt suffer
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Old 12th July 2018, 10:58 PM   #12
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Sorry to hear that OP. Thoughts with you and yours.
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Old 12th July 2018, 11:20 PM   #13
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The feeling of helplessness is crushing in these situations. I had to go through this with both my mum and dad who both died of cancer. 56 and 64, way too young. If there is any solace, it’s that when they finally go you know that they are no longer suffering.
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Old 13th July 2018, 07:03 AM   #14
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keep your chin up pondboy, im going through exactly the same with my other halfs father, hes 89 has zero standard of life and theyre just keeping him going, i wouldnt be doing this to my pets.

we have the LPA in place, but when filled in it was recommended the doctor has the last say bit was checked, so he overrides us.

best regards and thoughts with you and you family james
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Old 13th July 2018, 07:31 AM   #15
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Thanks for all your thoughts.

He is on final life care now, hasn't had anything other than a mouthwash since Sunday. Just a waiting game now and more importantly, time to make all the funeral arrangements that they have refused to look into when they could have.

I really hope he lasts til Saturday. It would be a barsteward for him to go on Friday 13th.

Last edited by Pondboy; 13th July 2018 at 07:34 AM.
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Old 13th July 2018, 10:16 PM   #16
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6 years ago (almost to the day) my uncle who was basically my father got given less than 6 weeks to live. He was 56, they didn't try to treat him at all as the cancer has spread to nearly every organ and we cared for him at home til he passed a few weeks later.

Since the topics kind of been touched on, the macmillan nurse gave me a box of morphine for if I felt he needed pain relief (it was difficult for him to communicate by this stage) and pretty much told me that X amount will give pain relief for so long and X + X amount will put him to sleep permanently. Not sure if I'm reading too much between the lines or if my head was all over the place but it felt like she was explaining my options as opposed to telling me to be careful. Sort of the opposite scenario to yours I guess.

Anyway waiting for the inevitable isn't a nice place to be but I'm sure your family will emerge stronger.
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Old 25th July 2018, 12:35 PM   #17
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Well, John died peacefully just after his 10am wash and shave, so he was looking as good as he could after 17 days without food and water!

I think there was a point a while ago when everyone thought that an injection was the only caring solution, but not a chance of that nowadays.

Just don't let me die that way

PS thanks for all the previous comments. It's surprising how much it helps to talk to non-family.
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Old 25th July 2018, 12:53 PM   #18
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My condolences
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Old 25th July 2018, 01:36 PM   #19
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my sincere condolences mate
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Old 25th July 2018, 02:47 PM   #20
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Sorry for your loss. At least he is at peace now.
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